Today D and I completed the first task of many required for a yearly update to our file. This morning we got our criminal checks done. Next month our medicals expire. In May we need new child abuse checks. And in early July our homestudy must be updated. Sigh. Last year when we did all of this it never occurred to me that we would be updating. Each piece that requires an update is another reminder that we’re still waiting. Like I needed more reminders!
A year ago after completing the criminal check paperwork, D and I make a quick stop to check out a baby and children’s store located near the police station. Here we walked through the aisles looking at furniture, strollers, and other baby paraphernalia. We bought a super cute stuffed elephant – the very first item purchased together for our future baby. That day we were excited as we contemplated our future and dreamed about this baby. Now after a year of chaos and mayhem we are not quite so naïve about this process. No walk through the baby store today. Instead it was a quick in and out before heading off to work. What a bummer of a way to start off a week.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Saturday, March 28, 2009
link to another post
"Opening the gates" is a great post about international adoption by Harlow's Monkey. The blog is written by a transracial adoptee and she poses a challenge to all adoptive parents in this post.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
two great posts
I've recently read some great posts by Margie at Third Mom. Her post titled "The grand plan of adoption" makes reference to the same adoption ad that I did in my last post and very eloquently discusses faith and adoption.
In another recent post titled "Saturday with Alison and John" Margie reviews a recent adoption conference she attended. The conference theme was In Our Own Voices: Adoptees and Foster Youth Speak Out. Margie references some good speakers and information from the perspective of adoptees.
Take a look around her site, you won't be disappointed!
In another recent post titled "Saturday with Alison and John" Margie reviews a recent adoption conference she attended. The conference theme was In Our Own Voices: Adoptees and Foster Youth Speak Out. Margie references some good speakers and information from the perspective of adoptees.
Take a look around her site, you won't be disappointed!
Monday, March 23, 2009
adoption advertisement
I recently came across an ad put out by an American adoption agency that disturbed me greatly. This is a Christian agency and this is what their ad said:
This ad then insinuates that it was God’s plan for there to be war and destruction in this world so families are broken apart.
It was God’s plan for families to live in poverty that they relinquish rights to their children because they can’t care for them.
It was God’s plan for babies to be stolen from their families so the corrupt of this world can make a profit.
It was God’s plan that AIDS would claim the lives of parents so that their children would be available for adoption.
It was God’s plan that profound pain and loss would come to others so that us in adoption can gain.
I do not believe in this kind of God. I believe that God hurts when a child is orphaned or relinquished. I also believe that God works to bring people and circumstances together which is how adoption happens. I also believe that He can heal the hurt and loss. (This doesn’t mean it is forgotten).
Ads like this and other Christianese adoption language makes me cringe. I love the Lord deeply and know without a doubt that He has guided us along this journey, but I will not distort God’s character to make adoption all sunshine and roses. Instead I hope to have enough strength to face the tough stuff in adoption head on, all the while asking God for wisdom and guidance.
And I will be writing this agency a letter letting them know what I think about their ad.
Adoption was God’s idea. We just decided to get in on a good thing.As a prospective adoptive parent I am appalled. As a Christian I am appalled.
This ad then insinuates that it was God’s plan for there to be war and destruction in this world so families are broken apart.
It was God’s plan for families to live in poverty that they relinquish rights to their children because they can’t care for them.
It was God’s plan for babies to be stolen from their families so the corrupt of this world can make a profit.
It was God’s plan that AIDS would claim the lives of parents so that their children would be available for adoption.
It was God’s plan that profound pain and loss would come to others so that us in adoption can gain.
I do not believe in this kind of God. I believe that God hurts when a child is orphaned or relinquished. I also believe that God works to bring people and circumstances together which is how adoption happens. I also believe that He can heal the hurt and loss. (This doesn’t mean it is forgotten).
Ads like this and other Christianese adoption language makes me cringe. I love the Lord deeply and know without a doubt that He has guided us along this journey, but I will not distort God’s character to make adoption all sunshine and roses. Instead I hope to have enough strength to face the tough stuff in adoption head on, all the while asking God for wisdom and guidance.
And I will be writing this agency a letter letting them know what I think about their ad.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
international adoption
A good friend sent me this article called Foreign Policy: The Lie We Love which is about corruption and international adoption. It's a good article to read but be forewarned that it includes disturbing information.
This article is about foreign international adoption. D and I are in a different kind of international adoption process which looks more like a domestic adoption situation. In foreign adoption, children are generally adopted from orphanages and government or orphanage and agency staff match families with children. In our international adoption situation we will be chosen by an expectant mother to raise her child. This certainly does not mean that our chosen route of adoption is devoid of all corruption. There are very real ethical concerns with newborn adoption and the American system where adoption equals big business. And let's face it, there are corrupt people everywhere in this world.
I guess the bottom line is to always be on the watch...eyes and ears open to see and hear the truth, no matter how difficult that may be.
We all know the story of international adoption: Millions of infants and toddlers have been abandoned or orphaned—placed on the side of a road or on the doorstep of a church, or left parentless due to AIDS, destitution, or war. These little ones find themselves forgotten, living in crowded orphanages or ending up on the streets, facing an uncertain future of misery and neglect. But, if they are lucky, adoring new moms and dads from faraway lands whisk them away for a chance at a better life.Understand that I am not against foreign adoption as I believe there is a real need for it. (We certainly live in a broken and fallen world). However, I also believe that we must be smart and enter into international adoption with eyes wide open. As adoptive parents it does neither us nor our children any good to hide from some of these truths. Corruption is alive and well in adoption, we all know that. Instead of turning a blind eye we need to work together for reform in the system and check our motives. Speaking as a prospective adoptive parent, motive checking is a really hard place to go. There is nothing more that I want in this world than to have a child and raise a family, but I can't knowingly be a part of an unethical process. And that is the hardest part of all of this. You really don't know. You can look for the red flags, you can do your best to ensure ethical procedures, but at the end of the day it is difficult to get a clear understanding of the whole truth.Unfortunately, this story is largely fiction. Continue reading...
This article is about foreign international adoption. D and I are in a different kind of international adoption process which looks more like a domestic adoption situation. In foreign adoption, children are generally adopted from orphanages and government or orphanage and agency staff match families with children. In our international adoption situation we will be chosen by an expectant mother to raise her child. This certainly does not mean that our chosen route of adoption is devoid of all corruption. There are very real ethical concerns with newborn adoption and the American system where adoption equals big business. And let's face it, there are corrupt people everywhere in this world.
I guess the bottom line is to always be on the watch...eyes and ears open to see and hear the truth, no matter how difficult that may be.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
a year in review
One year ago we signed paperwork to start the adoption process. In many ways this seems like a lifetime ago.
I’ve noticed that many adoption bloggers have documented their timeline. I’ve decided to review our last year in a similar way while all the dates and such are still pretty fresh in my mind. That way our timeline will be recorded before everything becomes blurry. Although some of the dates over the past year will certainly be etched in my mind forever.
March 19, 2008 – Signed paperwork with a local agency and American agency.
April 2, 2008 – Phone interview with American agency social worker.
June 17, 2008 – Home study completed. Become aware that our social worker didn’t completely follow the American agency guideline for home studies so an addendum must be written. We decided to get it completed immediately versus after our file reaches the States.
July 6, 2008 – Home study addendum completed.
August 8, 2008 – File approved by Provincial Director.
August 13, 2008 – File takes an unnecessary detour to Ottawa for authentication. Were told this would take 7-10 days when in fact it takes a month.
September 9, 2008 – Receive confirmation from the American agency lawyer that our file will be considered pre-Hague.
September 16, 2008 – File sent to the American agency. Arrives the next day.
November 19, 2008 – File approved by American agency. Were told that approval would take 6-8 weeks, ours took 9 weeks.
December 12, 2008 – Contacted regarding potential adoption situation.
December 26, 2008 – Potential adoption situation a no go. She decides to parent.
February 13, 2009 – Experience further frustration with the process.
March 19, 2009 – Waiting, waiting, waiting…
Looking back a lot has transpired over the past year, but it sorta feels like nothing has happened because our lives haven’t changed. We still get up and go to work every day and come home to an empty house (although thank goodness for our cat who greets us at the door!). We’re still the childless ones in our circle of friends. We’re still the ones that don’t have to arrange child care and can sleep straight through the night.
I guess in the end my hope is that my next year in review will result in the end of this crazy process and that by March 19, 2010 our lives will look very different.
I’ve noticed that many adoption bloggers have documented their timeline. I’ve decided to review our last year in a similar way while all the dates and such are still pretty fresh in my mind. That way our timeline will be recorded before everything becomes blurry. Although some of the dates over the past year will certainly be etched in my mind forever.
March 19, 2008 – Signed paperwork with a local agency and American agency.
April 2, 2008 – Phone interview with American agency social worker.
June 17, 2008 – Home study completed. Become aware that our social worker didn’t completely follow the American agency guideline for home studies so an addendum must be written. We decided to get it completed immediately versus after our file reaches the States.
July 6, 2008 – Home study addendum completed.
August 8, 2008 – File approved by Provincial Director.
August 13, 2008 – File takes an unnecessary detour to Ottawa for authentication. Were told this would take 7-10 days when in fact it takes a month.
September 9, 2008 – Receive confirmation from the American agency lawyer that our file will be considered pre-Hague.
September 16, 2008 – File sent to the American agency. Arrives the next day.
November 19, 2008 – File approved by American agency. Were told that approval would take 6-8 weeks, ours took 9 weeks.
December 12, 2008 – Contacted regarding potential adoption situation.
December 26, 2008 – Potential adoption situation a no go. She decides to parent.
February 13, 2009 – Experience further frustration with the process.
March 19, 2009 – Waiting, waiting, waiting…
Looking back a lot has transpired over the past year, but it sorta feels like nothing has happened because our lives haven’t changed. We still get up and go to work every day and come home to an empty house (although thank goodness for our cat who greets us at the door!). We’re still the childless ones in our circle of friends. We’re still the ones that don’t have to arrange child care and can sleep straight through the night.
I guess in the end my hope is that my next year in review will result in the end of this crazy process and that by March 19, 2010 our lives will look very different.
Monday, March 16, 2009
something worth sharing
This post has everything to do with chocolately goodness and nothing to do with adoption.
I typically follow a diet regime that omits refined sugar, dairy, and wheat (sometimes all gluten). Those of you who know me well, know that I have quite the sweet tooth. I have definitely found ways to modify recipes to use more natural sources of sugar like honey, maple syrup, and agave nectar. Some people tell me that to make something gluten, dairy, and sugar free it must be taste free. I totally disagree. It’s a matter of being persistent and willing to try new recipes and find new products, etc.
I must credit Northwest Moms for my recent find. They posted about a gluten, dairy, refined sugar free brownie mix sweetened with honey and molasses. Their review about Pamela’s chocolate brownie mix was so good I knew I needed to try it. I checked the internet looking at the sites for this mix but they didn’t ship into Canada. Then one day while at a local organic grocery store, low and behold, right in front of my face, was the sought after brownie mix. I almost jumped for joy!
I baked it.
Tasted it.
YUM!
The Northwest Mom review was bang on. This brownie tastes like the real thing. I would serve it to guests and never tell them what's NOT in it! This just goes to show that healthier foods don’t have to be taste free! So if you have diet restrictions that leave you wondering how you can ever enjoy chocolately goodness ever again, this post is for you!
I baked my second batch of these AMAZING brownies this weekend and there are a few left in the pan…must go finish them off!
I typically follow a diet regime that omits refined sugar, dairy, and wheat (sometimes all gluten). Those of you who know me well, know that I have quite the sweet tooth. I have definitely found ways to modify recipes to use more natural sources of sugar like honey, maple syrup, and agave nectar. Some people tell me that to make something gluten, dairy, and sugar free it must be taste free. I totally disagree. It’s a matter of being persistent and willing to try new recipes and find new products, etc.
I must credit Northwest Moms for my recent find. They posted about a gluten, dairy, refined sugar free brownie mix sweetened with honey and molasses. Their review about Pamela’s chocolate brownie mix was so good I knew I needed to try it. I checked the internet looking at the sites for this mix but they didn’t ship into Canada. Then one day while at a local organic grocery store, low and behold, right in front of my face, was the sought after brownie mix. I almost jumped for joy!
I baked it.
Tasted it.
YUM!
The Northwest Mom review was bang on. This brownie tastes like the real thing. I would serve it to guests and never tell them what's NOT in it! This just goes to show that healthier foods don’t have to be taste free! So if you have diet restrictions that leave you wondering how you can ever enjoy chocolately goodness ever again, this post is for you!
I baked my second batch of these AMAZING brownies this weekend and there are a few left in the pan…must go finish them off!
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