a friend in need

Entering the adoption world has provided me with many new friends. There is an instant bond, an understanding that occurs between adoptive and prospective adoptive parents. No one else can quite "get it".

One of my very good adoptive mama friends needs your positive thoughts and prayers. She has experienced a rocky journey and right when we all thought it would be over they hit a major roadblock. And I mean MAJOR.

Not the kind of roadblock that one grieves and moves past to continue waiting for a child. This is the kind of roadblock that ends the entire process for them forever. Forever.

I can't disclose the roadblock but just know that it is utterly and entirely ridiculous. There aren't even any appropriate words in the English language to describe how absurd this situation is. No words...except quite a few expletives.

Half way around the world court proceedings will take place tomorrow to decide their fate. To you this is just another woman waiting for an adoption, but to me this is an important friend and I hurt so much seeing her broken and in despair. Please pray, think positive thoughts, send positive energy into the universe, or whatever else suits your fancy. I need to believe that God still performs miracles. He still does, right?

In the end we can't do anything else but wait and watch a stranger determine my friend's future.

i don't have to think about...

I'm behind on my blog reading. Today I poked around Heather's blog Production, Not Reproduction and came across this excellent post titled Things I Don't Have to Think About Today.

what not to say

I recently stumbled across this great post about what not to say to transracial adoptive families. I honestly can't believe the nerve of some people.

gratitude

A good friend of mine took family photos of us shortly after T turned one year old. It was mid-September and the day was gorgeous. I know my friend is a good photographer (she took T's baby pictures as well) so I was expecting some great photos.

But what she showed me blew me away. They are stunning.

I have watched the slideshow of all our pictures countless times and each time I am struck with feelings of privilege, gratitude, and blessing. I've been thinking about all of this for at least a week and still have a hard time even articulating what it is that I feel to myself, but I'm going to give it a try.

I sometimes wonder if, as an adoptive mom, my experience and feelings of motherhood basics are somewhat different from a biological mom. I know that at times I definitely have a different perspective on motherhood -- waiting and working so hard to become something that many take forgranted will do that. But what I am referring to here is different.

I feel an intense sense of privilege at having been given the opportunity to parent this remarkable little boy. And in this context I am referring to privilege as an honor and pleasure. As I look at our family photos I wonder how it is that I am so fortunate to be allowed to watch T grow up and develop. I am still struck by the fact that I am his mom and have the potential to greatly impact his life.

The key concept here is opportunity. Having a family wasn't assumed or a given. Entering motherhood via adoption brings with it a sense of awe. We were chosen. A stranger decided that we would parent their child. An amazing set of circumstances made becoming a mom possible.

There is a depth and richness to what I am feeling that I'm not sure I can ever fully explain. I am so incredibly grateful for T's presence in my life. After experiencing 18 months of loss, the joy motherhood has granted me is indescribable.

The photos tell part of our story. And to me it's a beautiful moment. A moment of privilege, blessing, and gratitude.

And to my photographer friend (you know who you are!)...I am also grateful for you and your willingness to share your time and talent. Thank you.

I will post a few of my favourite photos on T's private blog. If you want access, leave a comment or send me an email, letting me know who you are.

absenteeism

I have been absent from the blogging world. Not only is this the longest time I have gone without posting, I am also hopelessly behind in blog reading.

Life has been busy. I went back to work on October 4th.

Balance is now the name of the game. Finding the time to clean, cook, play, and rest. Thank goodness I am only working part-time.

As October loomed I was asked many times how I was feeling going back to work after being home with T. It was a hard question to answer without having experienced what it looks and feels like to work outside the home after becoming a mom. I can now say with confidence that I absolutely love being back at work. From day one it just felt right. I love my job and I love my co-workers. And I love the small break from diapers, naps, and snacks.

Baby T's experience of me going back to work has been less than stellar. He is in a home daycare located just two doors down from us on the same street (how convenient!). Day one at daycare was great. Day two and onward has resulted in hours and hours of wailing and screaming. Our little one is quite persistent. One day, he was so exhausted from crying he fell asleep in the middle of the floor with all the other kids playing around him. Poor baby!

This week he did a bit better. And I know that every week will continue to improve. T's separation anxiety is completely normal, and in a small way it's sort of nice to know that I am missed and am important.

And even though dropping him off tugs at the heartstrings, especially when he cries the silent cry, I still love being back at work. I know he's in good hands and I know that in the end spending some time outside the house will be best for both him and me.

Now that I have a month of this "working mom" thing under my belt, I hope to do a better job of regularly showing up in the blogging world.

off the shelf

Today I was asked a question. Not just any sort of question, but one that I will be asked countless times in my future.

I was paying for a service and T was walking around playing a form of hide-in-seek with a man that I've spoken with maybe half a dozen times. T was so cute. He'd run to the edge of the counter and peek at the man and then run back to stand by my legs.

The man then asked me:

"Where'd you get him?"

Not even the "where is he from" form of this question, but "where'd you get him."

My mind reacted negatively to this question and I could feel my body stiffen slightly. What was a cute situation just became awkward for me. In the split second it took me to answer him I tried to think of a way that would indicate that there are perhaps better ways to ask this question. But of course I couldn't.

All I said is that he is from the States. What I was thinking was,"we didn't pick him off the shelf of Wal-Mart you moron."

He asked me a few other questions about adoption (one related to how long it took and pointed out that our 18 month process was 2 pregnancies...ha ha.) but I knew immediately that I would not engage him in adoption conversation. I was glad that we needed to leave shortly.

If you see families that were likely created by transracial adoption, I don't think it is necessary to ask about the child's county of birth. That bit of information is generally just related to curiosity. And curiosity killed the cat.

I know people mean well. And I'm certain that this man didn't intend to make me feel awkward. This is still all quite new for me. Most of the questioning from strangers hasn't started yet. I know I will encounter similar situations in the future and some will be worse.

In hindsight, I should have asked the question back to him..."do you mean to ask, where is he from?"

I'll remember next time.

wordless wednesday