Naming and adoption are emotional topics. I think that most parents delight in giving their child a name, this is a typical part of becoming a parent. Like many others D and I have tossed around various baby names during our 13 years of marriage.
But as I became more informed about adoption I began to think about naming a child from the perspective of each triad member. Then it wasn't about us anymore. When in the adoption process you learn to let go of many things that biological parents take for granted and one of these things for us was naming the child. D and I spent a great deal of time thinking about this and how we hoped the naming of our child would proceed. In the state we would be adopting from they seal adoptee's original birth certificates once the adoption is finalized and adoptees are forever unable to access these documents. We completely disagree with this practice and believe that everyone should be granted access to their own documents. So when naming our child we strongly felt that we didn't want to change the name from what was on the original birth certificate. Even though our child would not have access to his original birth certificate the integrity of his name would be the same.
While talking to J about naming the baby we asked her to pick the baby's middle name and then we really wanted to pick his first name together. J was excited about providing a middle name but had less interest and input in picking a first name. So we told her our top 2 picks, which she liked, and then she sort of left it up to us to decide in the end. The last piece of his name that we wanted was to use her last name as a second middle name. As we talked to her about this the agency workers that were in the room expressed delight in our intentionality stating that the majority of adoptive parents they have dealt with aren't as thoughtful. That makes me really sad. I think the agency then needs to provide more education to waiting families. Anyway, J seemed to really like that we wanted to keep her last name as one of his names.
So in the end the only change to his original birth certificate will be the addition of our last name. We don't know how T will feel when he grows up about his name and if our intentional choices will be appreciated. But we do know that we did what we could to keep his original name and to us that was extremely important.
Monday, September 28, 2009
Monday, September 14, 2009
the hospital meeting
On Tuesday, September 8th at 11:00 am we arrived at the hospital in great anticipation as we were about to meet J and her baby boy. It was also our 13th wedding anniversary, sort of an epic kind of anniversary!
Our agency worker was late so we were going bonkers, just a bundle of nerves! She finally arrived and we headed to J's room. J looked amazing after just having given birth! We all hugged, asked about the labor, and then turned our eyes to the baby. He was stunning. We were immediately taken with him. Both D and I spend a great deal of time holding him but made sure that we passed him back to J often. We talked about naming him with J (I'll post about that later). We had a special blanket that we brought for J to sleep with while in the hospital so it would smell like her when we used it later for the baby. And following an excellent idea from Heather at Production Not Reproduction we brought two stuffed elephants which both sat in the baby's hospital bassinet. If J did indeed decide to place baby then we would give one of the elephants to her giving her something that was close to him to hold when she was missing him and the other would stay with the baby. We chose elephants because of the saying that "elephants never forget" and she would never be forgotten in ours and the baby's life. We also talked about fun stuff too and ended up watching a couple of episodes of America's Next Top Model, a show we discovered that both J and I were fans of.
D and I left for a late lunch giving J some time alone with baby and to rest. When we returned to her room she had arranged for the professional photographer in the hospital to take pictures of all of us. Our agency pays for J to receive a set of pictures so we eagerly agreed. The pictures turned out stunning and were priceless. We would have beautiful photos of baby and his birthmom in which her love for him shone brightly. D and I purchased the CD of all 62 pictures so we have copyright to print all the pictures for J, and the price was good too!
During our time with J she made many comments of how comfortable she was seeing us with baby and especially enjoyed seeing D holding him saying "that looks so good!" She talked about the relinquishment and that she really felt this was the right thing for her to do at this time in her life. We left the hospital that night feeling many emotions. Sadness for J and her placing the baby for adoption and also happiness for us at the opportunity to parent this beautiful baby boy. Very bittersweet.
Our agency worker was late so we were going bonkers, just a bundle of nerves! She finally arrived and we headed to J's room. J looked amazing after just having given birth! We all hugged, asked about the labor, and then turned our eyes to the baby. He was stunning. We were immediately taken with him. Both D and I spend a great deal of time holding him but made sure that we passed him back to J often. We talked about naming him with J (I'll post about that later). We had a special blanket that we brought for J to sleep with while in the hospital so it would smell like her when we used it later for the baby. And following an excellent idea from Heather at Production Not Reproduction we brought two stuffed elephants which both sat in the baby's hospital bassinet. If J did indeed decide to place baby then we would give one of the elephants to her giving her something that was close to him to hold when she was missing him and the other would stay with the baby. We chose elephants because of the saying that "elephants never forget" and she would never be forgotten in ours and the baby's life. We also talked about fun stuff too and ended up watching a couple of episodes of America's Next Top Model, a show we discovered that both J and I were fans of.
D and I left for a late lunch giving J some time alone with baby and to rest. When we returned to her room she had arranged for the professional photographer in the hospital to take pictures of all of us. Our agency pays for J to receive a set of pictures so we eagerly agreed. The pictures turned out stunning and were priceless. We would have beautiful photos of baby and his birthmom in which her love for him shone brightly. D and I purchased the CD of all 62 pictures so we have copyright to print all the pictures for J, and the price was good too!
During our time with J she made many comments of how comfortable she was seeing us with baby and especially enjoyed seeing D holding him saying "that looks so good!" She talked about the relinquishment and that she really felt this was the right thing for her to do at this time in her life. We left the hospital that night feeling many emotions. Sadness for J and her placing the baby for adoption and also happiness for us at the opportunity to parent this beautiful baby boy. Very bittersweet.
Friday, September 11, 2009
the drama king
According to baby T, the world is coming to an end approximately 8 times a day. His diaper changes have escalated to a "guess the neighbors know we have a baby" level!
This traumatic event is less than fun for all involved. All exposed skin experiences result in a major meltdown.
Help! Any suggestions?
This traumatic event is less than fun for all involved. All exposed skin experiences result in a major meltdown.
Help! Any suggestions?
Thursday, September 10, 2009
the first 24 hours
Well we survived our first night with our son, baby T. He is a snacker so we're up every 1 1/2 - 2 hrs feeding. Plus we only had 2 bottles (I know, that was dumb) so we were washing and sterilizing bottles in the middle of the night! D definitely got more sleep than I did. I love listening to his coos and baby sounds...could listen to that all night long!
Baby T is doing so well right now. He is a fairly content baby except for diaper changes and bathing...it sounds like the world is ending!
Today we were running all over town meeting with lawyers (T had the biggest poop ever in his office!), getting groceries, signing documents for his passport application, and buying bottles. T did so well in the car and with being out all over the place.
D and I both napped during the late afternoon but we're pretty exhausted. Most people with 3 day old babies aren't rushing here and there but instead hole up for a bit. We're looking forward to the weekend when no one will be asking us to sign this or that and we can enjoy some time as just the 3 of us.
Sorry for the mostly factual post. I'm anticipating that future posts will become more difficult to make! Thanks to everyone for their comments, we love that we have support from our cyber friends!
Oh, I'm needed for a diaper change...we still need to tag team this adventure:)
Baby T is doing so well right now. He is a fairly content baby except for diaper changes and bathing...it sounds like the world is ending!
Today we were running all over town meeting with lawyers (T had the biggest poop ever in his office!), getting groceries, signing documents for his passport application, and buying bottles. T did so well in the car and with being out all over the place.
D and I both napped during the late afternoon but we're pretty exhausted. Most people with 3 day old babies aren't rushing here and there but instead hole up for a bit. We're looking forward to the weekend when no one will be asking us to sign this or that and we can enjoy some time as just the 3 of us.
Sorry for the mostly factual post. I'm anticipating that future posts will become more difficult to make! Thanks to everyone for their comments, we love that we have support from our cyber friends!
Oh, I'm needed for a diaper change...we still need to tag team this adventure:)
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
my stork arrived
It is official!
I have a son!
Wow...can't believe I actually typed those words...
Let me start from the beginning.
Late on Thursday, September 3rd we found out that J wanted to do a webcam interview with us on Friday morning. Our agency just started using webcam technology for interviews and we were looking forward to this -- just seems more personal. We chatted for over an hour and during that time she picked us to parent her child! And the baby was due soon!
On Monday, September 7th around 1:00pm we got a call from our agency to let us know that J was in labor and we should probably start packing! I was literally shaking and wandering around the house, room from room wondering what I should do! I called Don at work and he raced home. We must have set some sort of record for packing and getting things organized because 2 1/2 hours later we left for the airport. We caught the last flight out to our destination. However our layover was quite long and we only arrived at midnight.
While waiting for our connecting flight we received an email from our agency to let us know that a baby boy was born at 6:59pm and both him and his mom were doing really well. Yay! A healthy baby! Although we wish we could have made it for the birth a load was lifted from my shoulders just knowing that he had arrived safely. We were informed that his mom wanted us to wait until 11:00am the next day to come visit because she really needed to get some sleep.
That was a long morning!
I will post more about the meeting, the naming, leaving the hospital, and everything in between. But right now I need to go snuggle with my son!
I have a son!
Wow...can't believe I actually typed those words...
Let me start from the beginning.
Late on Thursday, September 3rd we found out that J wanted to do a webcam interview with us on Friday morning. Our agency just started using webcam technology for interviews and we were looking forward to this -- just seems more personal. We chatted for over an hour and during that time she picked us to parent her child! And the baby was due soon!
On Monday, September 7th around 1:00pm we got a call from our agency to let us know that J was in labor and we should probably start packing! I was literally shaking and wandering around the house, room from room wondering what I should do! I called Don at work and he raced home. We must have set some sort of record for packing and getting things organized because 2 1/2 hours later we left for the airport. We caught the last flight out to our destination. However our layover was quite long and we only arrived at midnight.
While waiting for our connecting flight we received an email from our agency to let us know that a baby boy was born at 6:59pm and both him and his mom were doing really well. Yay! A healthy baby! Although we wish we could have made it for the birth a load was lifted from my shoulders just knowing that he had arrived safely. We were informed that his mom wanted us to wait until 11:00am the next day to come visit because she really needed to get some sleep.
That was a long morning!
I will post more about the meeting, the naming, leaving the hospital, and everything in between. But right now I need to go snuggle with my son!
Monday, August 31, 2009
one year blogoversary
One year ago I started this blog as a way to document my journey along the path that I hoped would make me a mother. One year ago I was excited and nervous, while anticipating what might be my future. Well the past year hasn't exactly turned out as anticipated. This is my blogging year in review.
August 08: Elated because our file was approved by our Provincial Government. Deflated because our agency needlessly sent it to Ottawa for authentication which resulted in a month of wasted time.
September 08: Excited because our file was finally in the hands of our American agency.
October 08: Frustrated at the length of time it was taking them to approve our file.
November 08: Full of anticipation because our file was now approved and active.
December 08: Bouncing off the walls with excitement because we received word the first time that our profile would be shown. Crushed when we found out she didn't pick us. Distressed at the process our American agency uses with us having to approve each and every time our profile is shown.
January 09: The New Year brought feelings of hope and possibility.
February 09: Anger and frustration with our Canadian agency when we found out decisions were being made about our file without our knowledge and consent.
March 09: Overall frustration with the process but still hopeful for the future.
April 09: The sadness began to set in at the length of waiting (we were now updating our file) and knowing our profile was shown a few times but we weren't picked.
May 09: Stressed out with the process. Minimal excitement felt when receiving word that our profile would be shown.
June 09: In shock. A picked us!
July 09: In shock. Baby was born sick so the adoption couldn't proceed. Grief and sadness proceeded to take over once again.
August 09: Feeling empty. Trying to find a small piece of hope in what feels like the impossible quest to have a family.
Here's to hoping that the next 12 months will bring more joy and happiness...
August 08: Elated because our file was approved by our Provincial Government. Deflated because our agency needlessly sent it to Ottawa for authentication which resulted in a month of wasted time.
September 08: Excited because our file was finally in the hands of our American agency.
October 08: Frustrated at the length of time it was taking them to approve our file.
November 08: Full of anticipation because our file was now approved and active.
December 08: Bouncing off the walls with excitement because we received word the first time that our profile would be shown. Crushed when we found out she didn't pick us. Distressed at the process our American agency uses with us having to approve each and every time our profile is shown.
January 09: The New Year brought feelings of hope and possibility.
February 09: Anger and frustration with our Canadian agency when we found out decisions were being made about our file without our knowledge and consent.
March 09: Overall frustration with the process but still hopeful for the future.
April 09: The sadness began to set in at the length of waiting (we were now updating our file) and knowing our profile was shown a few times but we weren't picked.
May 09: Stressed out with the process. Minimal excitement felt when receiving word that our profile would be shown.
June 09: In shock. A picked us!
July 09: In shock. Baby was born sick so the adoption couldn't proceed. Grief and sadness proceeded to take over once again.
August 09: Feeling empty. Trying to find a small piece of hope in what feels like the impossible quest to have a family.
Here's to hoping that the next 12 months will bring more joy and happiness...
Sunday, August 30, 2009
august book for our collection
Today we purchased the August book for our "waiting" book collection. I forgot the list of book recommendations from many of you, I'll need to remember them next month. But there sure is something fun about going to a book store and slowly walking the aisles picking up books that catch your eye. (I love new books!). And then the excitement felt when you find a good one that both of you like!
This month we picked Dear Zoo by Rod Campbell. It's been around for 25 years so it must have something going for it!
This month we picked Dear Zoo by Rod Campbell. It's been around for 25 years so it must have something going for it!
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