2008 has been an interesting year for us. This is the year that we decided to actively pursue adoption and build a family. The last 9 months have been a roller coaster of emotions. Many ups and downs, and twists and turns that were unexpected. Personally, I’m ready to get off the ride. I was really hoping that 2008 would be THE year. The year that we became a family of 3. The year that the hard work of parenting would begin for us.
2008 was almost the year.
Three weeks ago we were called by our agency to let us know that they had a “situation” to present to us and the baby was due on December 31, 2008. We looked over the information given to us and said we definitely wanted our profile shown to this expectant mom. Excitement and anticipation filled our hearts for a couple of days. Then we found out that we would be one out of a few profiles shown to her. Doubt now filled my heart. I poured over the letter and pictures in our profile wondering “would I pick me?” Long story short (seriously, there are quite a few twists and turns in this one) she had the baby around Christmas time and decided to parent. We completely respect her decision and pray that she gets the support needed. We are still sad. Even though I never once thought of this baby as mine or that she would even pick us, I still dreamed a bit about finally having a family. About finally entering the next stage in my life, one that I feel ready for.
I wonder how many times I can go through this stress. I think I've been quite clear that I believe in family preservation whenever possible and understand that for me to gain another experiences profound loss. And yet I find myself in this situation where I'm hoping to become a parent through adoption. It's a hard road to walk, not nearly as glossy as it can appear from the outside. Family planning shouldn't be this difficult.
So 2008 has ended on a bit of a sour note for us. Tonight we are spending the evening with good friends who are also in the adoption process and have experienced disappointments along the way. Apple martini’s are on the menu and I do believe we will toast to a happier beginning of 2009 leaving 2008 in the dust, not looking back.
3 comments:
My 2009 be full of joy and peace for you.
I watched a Friends episode today where Chandler and Monica had their hopes raised, and then dashed, and then raised again in their journey of adoption. And I cried...because it reminded me of your story, and how much I wish you guys will be able to be parents soon, but struggle through loss in the meantime.
Blessings to you in 2009
Hey Lavonne, I haven't read your blog in quite a while. Tonight, I was catching up and read this post. So sorry to hear about the disappointment. Just wanted you to know. Heidi
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