a miracle

A miracle happened today.

My friend who has been going through adoption hell had her last and final court date in Ethiopia today.

After their adoption was denied three times for reasons of stupidity, the judge over-ruled this decision and she has a son.

I have been crying for the last 10 minutes. This move by the judge is unprecedented.

This is the best news I have heard since T's birth. And my friend's son is 3 months older than T...so T now has a little buddy his own age with brown skin.

Every time I think about this news my stomach does a flip flop and I get all teary. I am beyond happy for you both Chad and Laura.

So I guess miracles really do happen...

"labor day" 2009

Monday, September 7th, 2009:
Today began just like Saturday and Sunday. In continual shock that we had been chosen by J and slight panic wondering when baby would be born.

D left sometime in the late morning to help a friend do some yard work.

At 1:00 pm the phone rang. I checked the caller ID and it was a number I was very familiar with by now. I quickly answered the phone and our case worker said, "We think J is in labor. You might want to start packing!"

Eek!

My heart was racing but I managed to stay somewhat calm while getting all the details. J had already been to the hospital a couple of times for what turned out to be false labor. But this time our case worker was pretty sure it was the real deal. I asked her to call me the minute she found out that J had indeed been admitted.

Then I called D. He rushed home.

After taking "the call" I very clearly remember walking around the house shaking and chanting something like "oh. my. goodness." I didn't know what to do first. I'm pretty sure I showered first!

Once D got home we packed our bags in record time. (And we remembered almost everything which is quite amazing!). Then we checked flights. There was one flight leaving late afternoon arriving at our destination city at midnight. We tried to connect again with our case worker to see if J was indeed in labor before booking, but we didn't hear from her again until later that evening. J had expressed interest in us being present for the birth so we decided to gamble and book the flights.

But since it was now 2:00 pm and the flight was leaving at 4:30 pm the online system wouldn't let us book it. Never before had we tried to book flights two hours before leaving! D called the airline to confirm the flight and was told that we would have to pay for the flight at the airport.

Meanwhile, we had called a friend who would be "cat sitting" and taking care of our house while away. She was on stand by and was able to come over immediately. I remember sitting in our spare room with K quietly chatting while D was on the phone and computer stressing about booking the flights. D and I were certainly on edge!

K dropped us off at the airport I believe an hour or so before our flight left. We paid the ticket agent (too much money) for our last minute booking. And then we waited for our flight. We mostly stared into space not sure of what to do or say!

We needed to take two flights to our destination city. Our layover was almost 4 hours! During this time we booked a car rental and checked out hotels close to the hospital. We've never left the country before without accommodations booked! We were able to send out emails letting friends and family know how we were doing. And while waiting at our gate for our flight I chatted with my sister via skype. Love skype!

Just as we were about to board our flight we received an email from our caseworker letting us know that J had delivered a healthy baby boy at 6:59 pm. Both mom and baby were doing well. We wouldn't be able to be at the hospital for the birth but just knowing that they were both well and healthy was a relief. We were informed that J wanted some time to rest in the morning and we were to arrive at the hospital at 11:00 am. We boarded the plane thinking about both J and baby boy.

It was on this flight that D suggested the name T. We had one other name in mind but it was the same as a character on the movie Wolverine and D was having issue with that. (I didn't think it was a big deal but whatever!). We hoped that J would help pick his first name so we didn't do too much thinking and planning about that. I've posted about how we chose his name here.

We arrived at midnight. Got our car. Drove to the hotel we were hoping to stay at. The basic rooms were full so they upgraded us to a nicer larger room for the same price. Bonus! The room was lovely and perfect for a longer stay, since we knew we'd be there for likely two weeks. The hotel served a hot complimentary breakfast and light meal at dinner time. We took full advantage of both meals.

Then we attempted to sleep.

september long 2009

This was the weekend.

The weekend that ended the summer from hell.

It was one year ago that we took the first steps on a journey that would result in parenthood. This is how the adventure began.

Thursday, September 3rd, 2009:
We come home late in the evening to a message on our answering machine from our American agency case worker. An expectant mom wanted to interview us. At the time our profile was being considered by 2-3 other women (that specific fact has become fuzzy!). We set up an interview time for the next morning. Our agency was now using webcam technology to facilitate interviews. We had interviewed via the phone previously but were quite excited to try the webcam. I talked extensively with our caseworker about J and how she was doing. Our caseworker also informed us that the baby was confirmed to be a boy as initially "girl" was checked off on the information we had received about J. A boy. Yay! D and I didn't sleep well that night.

Friday, September 4th, 2009:
D and I both made our way to work in the morning. Our webcam interview was scheduled for 11:00 am. Close to 10:00am D and I left our prospective work places for a "meeting" to head home. We nervously prepared for our interview. We set our computer up in the very unused baby room and snuggled close together in the large lounge chair. After some initial hiccups with technology we were able to connect with the agency. J was lovely. In total we chatted together for just over an hour. Considering our experience only 2 months prior, D and I were still quite guarded about the process. Would we hurt again? So when J picked us to parent her child after only ~45 minutes into the interview we were stunned. Speechless was more like it. We ended our conversation talking about J's due date which no one seemed to have a clear idea about. In the end no one was able to contact J's obstetrician for confirmation about the date. We decided we would wait to hear more after J's doctor appointment on Tuesday (Monday being a holiday) before making travel plans.

We did know that J's due date was very soon. So D and I needed to prepare. We both headed back to work early that afternoon to tie up loose ends just in case J would go into labor during the weekend. At the time I was working two part-time jobs so I ran back and forth between them to make sure everything was ready for me to leave at a moment's notice. It was a whirlwind of activity. I'm still not sure how we managed to get things together in 4 short hours.

That evening D and I went out for a nice dinner, wondering if this would be our last experience dining out as a childless couple. It was a surreal experience. We were both still very cautious about everything. And of course were fully aware that in no way was this yet unborn child ours. And there were no guarantee's that he would ever be ours. J had absolutely every right to decide to parent her child and we would have completely respected her decision.

Saturday, July 5th, 2009:
We packed the baby's suitcase.

Sunday, September 6th, 2009:
I have absolutely no idea what we did this day. Likely continued to walk around in shock and try to get our lives in order to leave at a moment's notice.

Monday, September 7th, 2009:
The day that changed our lives forever. I will post about this day in exactly two days.

a forever family

It is official. In the eyes of the law we are now a forever family.

After all the drama that has occurred surrounding our finalization hearing I am just so relieved that it is done. Last week on March 10th, our American lawyer entered a court room to show our information to the judge. He presented 3 post-placement reports completed by our social worker, 3 medical reports, along with pictures of T. All of that, plus the additional paperwork this particular judge required, and eight days later our adoption of baby T is final. Complete. Done.

Anti-climactic.

We have never thought of or treated T as anything other than our son since the day we took custody. He's been using our last name for six months even though it wasn't "officially" his yet.

Regardless of how this feels, today is an important milestone. Perhaps more important than the day he learns how to walk or talk. Today marks the day that according to everyone, we are officially a family of three. Today we celebrate the final step in the adoption process.

This also means we start the process of waiting once again. We will wait for a copy of the adoption decree and his new birth certificate which will allow us to finish the permanent residency process and finally get T on our provincial medical card. And then Canadian citizenship. Even though we've entered another waiting game it is different than the first. T is ours. We are a family. We will wait for the papers to arrive on our door step, but in the meantime we get to watch our sweet pea grow and develop...such a good distraction! We are so blessed to be the parents of this very special little boy. Every day I look at him and wonder if I can fall more in love with him...and every day I do.

On Sunday we will celebrate our journey with family and a few close friends who have been touched by adoption. This will be a good thing. Celebrating with others. Might help to make it feel more real and more of the big deal that it is.

Yep, it has really happened.

We are a forever family.

my profile

I just realized that I needed to change my profile status from "prospective adoptive parent" to...

Take a look...:)

the hospital meeting

On Tuesday, September 8th at 11:00 am we arrived at the hospital in great anticipation as we were about to meet J and her baby boy. It was also our 13th wedding anniversary, sort of an epic kind of anniversary!

Our agency worker was late so we were going bonkers, just a bundle of nerves! She finally arrived and we headed to J's room. J looked amazing after just having given birth! We all hugged, asked about the labor, and then turned our eyes to the baby. He was stunning. We were immediately taken with him. Both D and I spend a great deal of time holding him but made sure that we passed him back to J often. We talked about naming him with J (I'll post about that later). We had a special blanket that we brought for J to sleep with while in the hospital so it would smell like her when we used it later for the baby. And following an excellent idea from Heather at Production Not Reproduction we brought two stuffed elephants which both sat in the baby's hospital bassinet. If J did indeed decide to place baby then we would give one of the elephants to her giving her something that was close to him to hold when she was missing him and the other would stay with the baby. We chose elephants because of the saying that "elephants never forget" and she would never be forgotten in ours and the baby's life. We also talked about fun stuff too and ended up watching a couple of episodes of America's Next Top Model, a show we discovered that both J and I were fans of.

D and I left for a late lunch giving J some time alone with baby and to rest. When we returned to her room she had arranged for the professional photographer in the hospital to take pictures of all of us. Our agency pays for J to receive a set of pictures so we eagerly agreed. The pictures turned out stunning and were priceless. We would have beautiful photos of baby and his birthmom in which her love for him shone brightly. D and I purchased the CD of all 62 pictures so we have copyright to print all the pictures for J, and the price was good too!

During our time with J she made many comments of how comfortable she was seeing us with baby and especially enjoyed seeing D holding him saying "that looks so good!" She talked about the relinquishment and that she really felt this was the right thing for her to do at this time in her life. We left the hospital that night feeling many emotions. Sadness for J and her placing the baby for adoption and also happiness for us at the opportunity to parent this beautiful baby boy. Very bittersweet.

the first 24 hours

Well we survived our first night with our son, baby T. He is a snacker so we're up every 1 1/2 - 2 hrs feeding. Plus we only had 2 bottles (I know, that was dumb) so we were washing and sterilizing bottles in the middle of the night! D definitely got more sleep than I did. I love listening to his coos and baby sounds...could listen to that all night long!

Baby T is doing so well right now. He is a fairly content baby except for diaper changes and bathing...it sounds like the world is ending!

Today we were running all over town meeting with lawyers (T had the biggest poop ever in his office!), getting groceries, signing documents for his passport application, and buying bottles. T did so well in the car and with being out all over the place.

D and I both napped during the late afternoon but we're pretty exhausted. Most people with 3 day old babies aren't rushing here and there but instead hole up for a bit. We're looking forward to the weekend when no one will be asking us to sign this or that and we can enjoy some time as just the 3 of us.

Sorry for the mostly factual post. I'm anticipating that future posts will become more difficult to make! Thanks to everyone for their comments, we love that we have support from our cyber friends!

Oh, I'm needed for a diaper change...we still need to tag team this adventure:)

my stork arrived

It is official!

I have a son!

Wow...can't believe I actually typed those words...

Let me start from the beginning.

Late on Thursday, September 3rd we found out that J wanted to do a webcam interview with us on Friday morning. Our agency just started using webcam technology for interviews and we were looking forward to this -- just seems more personal. We chatted for over an hour and during that time she picked us to parent her child! And the baby was due soon!

On Monday, September 7th around 1:00pm we got a call from our agency to let us know that J was in labor and we should probably start packing! I was literally shaking and wandering around the house, room from room wondering what I should do! I called Don at work and he raced home. We must have set some sort of record for packing and getting things organized because 2 1/2 hours later we left for the airport. We caught the last flight out to our destination. However our layover was quite long and we only arrived at midnight.

While waiting for our connecting flight we received an email from our agency to let us know that a baby boy was born at 6:59pm and both him and his mom were doing really well. Yay! A healthy baby! Although we wish we could have made it for the birth a load was lifted from my shoulders just knowing that he had arrived safely. We were informed that his mom wanted us to wait until 11:00am the next day to come visit because she really needed to get some sleep.

That was a long morning!

I will post more about the meeting, the naming, leaving the hospital, and everything in between. But right now I need to go snuggle with my son!

the meeting

We arrived at our destination city on Sunday, June 28th, around noon. This gave us plenty of time to get settled before meeting A and her mom for dinner that night. Our agency worker was also joining us for dinner.

We so carefully picked our outfits. Tried to look casual but not too casual, also making sure that we looked good together. We were both nervous and excited.

From the moment we met A she stole our hearts. We entered the restaurant and she gave us both very welcoming hugs. What an odd little group we made but it all felt so right. A immediately starting talking about the baby. She gave us two sets of ultrasound pictures and the three of us carefully looked through each shot marvelling at this tiny being who would bond us all together so uniquely. A and her mom gave us a gift for the baby which was so sweet. And inside the cutest card were pictures of A as a child. How unbelievably thoughtful. We would get to see just how much this baby resembled his first mom as a child and also have those pictures for him to keep. I was just amazed at how everything was turning out so great! So many things were happening that we had only hoped and dreamed for and now they were turning into our reality.

The conversation flowed easily across the dinner table and we made plans to meet up again the next day at A's last doctor's appointment before the c-section. Before we said good-bye that night we had a small photo shoot outside the restaurant, which of course included belly shots! Again, an experience that we really doubted we would ever get, but yet here we were, standing beside this amazing women who would maybe make us parents in two days.


Early afternoon the next day we met A and her mom again at her doctor's appointment. We got there just a bit late because of all the construction in the city. I panicked a bit thinking we had come this far and we were going to miss this appointment. A was already in the clinic room but we were able to sneak in. We listened to the doctor talk about the plan for the delivery. A talked about us being in the OR for the c-section and she also wanted D to cut the cord. A was only able to bring one person in the OR with her and of course chose her mom (and we wouldn't have had it any other way). But we would get to stand right outside the doors and see them bring baby into the nursery and that is where D would get to cut off what was left of the cord. We asked the doctor to explain a few of the ultrasound pictures, he tried, we still couldn't see what he saw! Then we heard it...the baby's heartbeat! That was such an amazing experience for both of us.

We hugged at least a million times before we left the clinic. We would meet them at the hospital early the next morning before the c-section, on the day that would change our lives forever. Little did we know exactly how that would happen...

the call

On Wednesday, June 17th, just after work, our American adoption agency worker called to let us know that expectant mom A wanted to talk with us on the phone. We did a phone interview with another expectant mom a month earlier so we sorta knew the drill. But this time our agency worker told us that A had really liked our profile and was excited to speak with us. We arranged our phone call for 8:00 that night...and of course we got all nervous!

The last phone call we did both the expectant mom and dad spoke with us. She was very shy and soft spoken and hardly said anything so we filled the space by letting them know more about us. The phone conversation with A was quite different. A got on the phone and the first thing she said in a bubbly, outgoing voice was "you guys are SO cute! I love your cute house and cute cat!" We laughed together and talked about our lives and futures. Our phone call lasted just under an hour and we left it that A would call back if she had any more questions for us. Our agency worker (who was on the phone the whole time as well) said she would call us in a couple of minutes. D and I sat on the couch and not even 5 minutes later our worker called back and said that A wanted to speak with us again. D and I looked at each other slightly confused with a teensy bit of excitement. A got on the phone and asked us if we would like to be parents to a baby boy! We said yes! and then started crying...A started to cry...and then our worker started crying. It was awesome! A told us that she wanted us as involved in her last couple of weeks of pregnancy as we could be and that she wanted us present for the birth (which was to be via c-section). The three of us even talked about names and picked one together that night. We also talked about the open adoption arrangement that we all wanted. D and I were so excited that she felt the same as us about this. Finally we had to say good-bye and then D and I flipped out! We jumped up and down, cried some more, and then made some phone calls. That night was the first time I can say with all certainty that I didn't sleep at all!

For the rest of the week and weekend D and I felt like we were dreaming. We'd ask each other, "did that really happen?" We tried to concentrate on work and other things that needed to get done with great difficulty. We quickly made lists and shopped for our upcoming trip that would make us a family of 3.

On Tuesday, June 23rd, A called again to let us know how her doctor appointment had been the day before. It was so good to hear her voice again as it made everything feel a bit more real. We only got to chat for about 10 minutes. A told us that her mom was arriving later that week to be present for the birth and she also wanted to meet us. A also said that she read through our profile every day - she loved the fact that D only ate Heinz ketchup, that we had a couple of pictures of our baby room, and that we mentioned that we would honor and celebrate her child's African American heritage. We let her know that we were planning to arrive on Sunday and our agency worker said then we could all meet for dinner that night. How exciting that we would get to meet A while she was still pregnant!

Everything was turning out so perfect...

i was wrong

I was wrong about the season...

On June 17th we finally got "THE CALL" that changed our lives forever!

Tomorrow morning we leave for the States. More details to come...

some excitement

Yesterday our file broke the vapor barrier between Canada and the US! Our paperwork has finally landed in the hands of our American agency! So now we enter a new stage in this process…the waiting and jumping every time the phone rings kind of stage!

I also had an interesting experience yesterday afternoon after rushing into a local store to purchase some products that I want to pack for this future baby. I had intended to quickly make my purchase and leave, but instead was approached by a sales person who asked if I had any questions about the product I held in my hands. I actually did have a question and thought why not ask, which meant that I disclosed the fact that D and I were in the adoption process etc. Well the staff in this store became super excited and wanted to know about the process and then the sales person who initially approached me probed me with questions. All of a sudden it dawned on me. I asked her if she was thinking about adoption and she said yes. So we ended up talking for quite some time and during this conversation I felt myself getting all excited about our future! She said I was so calm and sure of myself when talking about the adoption (little does she know!) and this felt good. In the end, the sales staff all gushed again about my future family, gave me a $10 off gift card, and told me to be sure to bring the baby by the store! What a neat experience…is this the sort of thing that happens to women who are pregnant? I can’t speak to that but I sure am grateful for these women who remain complete strangers but yet impacted me greatly.