Friday, January 28, 2011

a miracle

A miracle happened today.

My friend who has been going through adoption hell had her last and final court date in Ethiopia today.

After their adoption was denied three times for reasons of stupidity, the judge over-ruled this decision and she has a son.

I have been crying for the last 10 minutes. This move by the judge is unprecedented.

This is the best news I have heard since T's birth. And my friend's son is 3 months older than T now has a little buddy his own age with brown skin.

Every time I think about this news my stomach does a flip flop and I get all teary. I am beyond happy for you both Chad and Laura.

So I guess miracles really do happen...

Monday, January 24, 2011

how long...?

Questions from strangers are always interesting. Lately the same one has seemed to pop up with some regularity.

Stranger: "How old is he?"

Me: "16 months."

Stranger: "How long have you had him?"

I always answer with "since he was 2 days old."

 T is growing up. He's a toddler and at an age that many children from African countries find their forever families. When he was a newborn no one ever asked that question. People likely assumed that we had adopted him recently or maybe it was a domestic situation.

T's adoption is international, but he's American which hardly seems international to me. He's not from Ethiopia, Kenya, Ghana, or any other African country. I understand why the question is asked. He's black, I'm white and thanks to Angelina most people are more familiar with an overseas international adoption versus that of the USA.

But what the question does is bring to the forefront that T is adopted and that I am an adoptive mom. He's not just my son...but an adopted child. I'm not just a mom...but an adoptive mom. We're labeled. 

I'm never really sure where to go next in these conversations. I want to say...thanks for reminding me I'm an adoptive mom because I forgot...or...why does it matter to you...or...are you just trying to make conversation...or...why don't you talk to me like any other mom with a toddler? 

But I don't. I just answer the question and leave it at that. I'll wait to see how they respond, hope they drop the subject, and carry on with whatever we're doing. A few people have responded by commenting that we've had him for awhile. Not really sure what to say after observation?! Does having him since birth give my adoptive mom status more validity? I'm just glad that so far no one has felt the need to continue their questioning and ask about his first mom or how it is that we got him at 2 days old.

I wonder how long people will ask me this question. Perhaps when T is old enough to understand it won't be as important for others to know exactly when we became a family. In the meantime, I'm beginning to anticipate the question. And I don't stew all day when it's asked. Questions are a part of being a transracial family. I just find the questions interesting and am sometimes surprised how they affect me and cause me to ponder my role and how comfortable I am in it.

Friday, January 21, 2011

confession friday

I confess that I stole this idea from other bloggers who are doing it.

I confess that today is my 36th birthday...inching closer to 40 and my anticipated trip to New York.

I confess that my heart hurts today for a friend going through a very tough adoption situation that I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy.

I confess that I used to think Facebook was dumb...and now I don't.

I confess that I love getting acupuncture.

I confess that knowing J has put a hold on her file has resulted in procrastination...I am very behind in sending letters to her.

I confess that I love to shop for T's wardrobe...and that he has quite an extensive line-up of clothing.

I confess that it's still sometimes strange to think of myself as a mom.

I confess that I've been watching "the big bang theory" which I think is a super dumb show.

I confess that I get overwhelmed thinking about trying to be a good transracial adoptive mom.

I confess that T finally found his appetite which makes me do the dance of joy.

I confess that I currently have 600 emails in my inbox.

I confess that I love T more than words can describe.

I confess that life is good.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

to blog or not to blog

The end of 2010 found me with less time to spend at the computer. Entering the workforce as a mom resulted in many busy moments. Then throw in weekly swim class with T, weekly massage, acupuncture, chiropractic appointments (trying to use up all my insurance), Christmas shopping and baking and the result was a very chaotic life. I even ended up forgetting appointments and an important Christmas party I was supposed to attend. Sigh. Does the "baby brain" syndrome ever go away?

I have also been absent from blogland because I'm not sure what it is that I want to say anymore. Gone are the days I spent bitching about our agencies and the process. I am currently knee deep in parenting a one year old and adoption doesn't always arise as the very most important thing in my day. I still think about adoption related themes. I have at least 5 titled posts in my head. But I'm not sure how much to disclose in the public domain and articulating my thoughts is often harder than it should be.

I don't want to maintain this blog because I have to. I know readers lose interest when there aren't regular posts to peruse but to post just because is more work. At the same time I'm not ready to let go of this outlet. I still think there is value in keeping this blog and chronicling my journey. Since I don't journal this has been for me a diary of sorts.

So my blogging resolution for 2011 is to be a better blogger! No promises. But I'm going to take this year to determine if blogging is still for me.