one-dimensional blogging

Disclaimer: This post does not refer to any particular blog that I read but rather musings about blogging in general and my desire to know the whole of people and not just certain parts.

Blogging can be an outlet. A place for people to discuss, vent, praise, and process about life. The trouble with blogging about a specific topic is that the blog tends to become one-dimensional. As the reader you are only allowed a glimpse into that one part of a person’s life. Yet as humans we are much more complex than what is often posted on a blog.

Many blogs dedicated to adoption are this way, one-sided, and some even help to perpetuate the myths in adoption. Some blogging adoptees are seen as angry and bitter, blogging adoptive parents are clueless to the issues their children face and wrapped up in their own joy in having a child long waited for, and firstparents are in constant grief and “just can’t get over it.” I truly believe that this is only part of each of their stories and there is so much more to each person who blogs about adoption. So often I wish I could jump through the computer screen and share a coffee with a particular blog author. I’d love to chat about the whole of life and how adoption fits into who they are. Certainly adoption plays a large role in each life on the triad but that can’t be it, there must be more to what shapes a person. I regularly follow a few adoptee and firstmother blogs and I have learned so much from them and their experiences which will only make me a better adoptive parent. But I’d love to learn more, be a part of the rest of their lives where adoption isn’t always the focus and get to see the whole picture.

When I share some of the struggles adoptees and firstmothers blog about, people often comment that only the disgruntled ones blog and those who have adjusted well don’t. I don’t fully believe this. I agree that people who aren’t necessarily introspective or looking for an outlet to work through major life issues won’t blog. But that doesn’t necessarily mean that those who do have hard things to say about adoption are totally off their rocker. It doesn’t mean that all adoptee’s who share hard truths are bitter and hate their adoptive parents. I’d be concerned if adoptee’s didn’t have hard things to say because let’s face it, adoption is hard. Conversely, if an adoptee is all sunshine and roses and doesn’t acknowledge any of the loss and abandonment I’d also be concerned.

I must admit that sometimes after reading a particularly hard post about adoption I wonder if there is any hope for me as a prospective adoptive parent. But then I have to remember that this is about learning and growing while always having the big picture in mind. It’s about all the dimensions in life.

All of this to say that I love blogging and learning about adoption in this way, but sometimes I wish that blogs didn’t always depict only the hard truths in adoption but that each triad member also shared the rest of life. The blessing and the loss that happens in all of our lives. And this is my reminder to keep it balanced.