off the shelf

Today I was asked a question. Not just any sort of question, but one that I will be asked countless times in my future.

I was paying for a service and T was walking around playing a form of hide-in-seek with a man that I've spoken with maybe half a dozen times. T was so cute. He'd run to the edge of the counter and peek at the man and then run back to stand by my legs.

The man then asked me:

"Where'd you get him?"

Not even the "where is he from" form of this question, but "where'd you get him."

My mind reacted negatively to this question and I could feel my body stiffen slightly. What was a cute situation just became awkward for me. In the split second it took me to answer him I tried to think of a way that would indicate that there are perhaps better ways to ask this question. But of course I couldn't.

All I said is that he is from the States. What I was thinking was,"we didn't pick him off the shelf of Wal-Mart you moron."

He asked me a few other questions about adoption (one related to how long it took and pointed out that our 18 month process was 2 pregnancies...ha ha.) but I knew immediately that I would not engage him in adoption conversation. I was glad that we needed to leave shortly.

If you see families that were likely created by transracial adoption, I don't think it is necessary to ask about the child's county of birth. That bit of information is generally just related to curiosity. And curiosity killed the cat.

I know people mean well. And I'm certain that this man didn't intend to make me feel awkward. This is still all quite new for me. Most of the questioning from strangers hasn't started yet. I know I will encounter similar situations in the future and some will be worse.

In hindsight, I should have asked the question back to him..."do you mean to ask, where is he from?"

I'll remember next time.