It's a weird thing this waiting and anticipating a child through adoption. I was reminded today by a friend to find ways to approach this anticipation with excitement. I think I've lost some of the excitement I felt when we initially made the decision to pursue adoption. At that time I was just so relieved that we had finally made a decision and would have a family one way or the other. I will admit that some of the loss of my initial excitement is my own doing. Those of you who know me well, know that I tend to over think things...a lot! And why would I approach adoption any other way than the way I know best?! I have read countless articles and blog posts and a few books on adoptive parenting and transracial families (and I just ordered 3 new books today!). Considering I named my blog "eyes wide open" it should be somewhat apparent that it's really important to me to be informed and educated about the new journey my life will take.
However, in this process and the stress of dealing with the uncertainty of the Hague I have learned how to cautiously anticipate our future...and forgot how to be excited. It is also difficult to be excited when you have to create that excitement yourself. Besides my sister, who is uber excited all the time (!), no one around me is asking the questions expectant women generally get. And this makes sense since I don't exhibit any outward signs of expectant motherhood. Plus, I'm not sure that I would want to be asked all the same questions anyway. My point is just that the "pregnancy buzz" doesn't follow me so life on the outside looks completely the same, when in reality life for me has completely turned upside down! So my question then is how do I create some excitement in my life during this waiting and anticipating period? Of course...something that I will need to spend some time THINKING about!
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