Wednesday, September 3, 2008

in a perfect world

During some of my reading and researching what it means to be an adoptive parent I’ve come across quite a bit of anti-adoption information. Some of this comes from adoptee’s who share their experiences as an adopted child and often don’t have positive things to say. I would be lying if I didn’t acknowledge that there is a part of me that is concerned about adopted children and how they come to understand their world, build self-esteem, deal with loss/abandonment etc. I believe that certain practices such as an open adoption situation can help to alleviate potential risks to the adoptee, as well as adoptive parents who acknowledge and create space for the first family. This is my say to anti-adoption:

In a perfect world there would be no separation between mother & child
In a perfect world there would be no infertility
In a perfect world there would be no orphans
In a perfect world there would be no loss

Since we don’t live in a perfect world but rather one that is broken and fallen, I think there is a place for adoption. I agree with the call from adoptees and birthmothers for reform within the system. I agree that adoptees have the right to their original birth certificate. I agree that no expectant woman should be coerced into placing her child. I agree that open adoption contracts should be legally binding. I agree that agencies should not profit from the process. And I agree that all members of the adoption triad (adoptee, birthmother, adoptive parent) need to work together to ensure morale and ethical practices. And, yes, life would be easier, better, and all around nicer if we lived in a perfect world.

1 comment:

Lancelot and Lady's Mom said...

I have really been enjoying (that kind of sounds like the wrong word but I hope you understand my meaning) reading through your blog. You offer some amazing thoughts and insights into the entire adoption process. I know this post is old but I just wanted to mention, in case you still have any fears about adoptees and their view of the world, self-esteem, etc., that my brother was adopted from birth twenty years ago and he has excellent self-esteem and a healthy world view. He has not once struggled with his status as an adoptee although he has certainly had reason to occassionally with some of the rude questions people have asked over the years. He has always felt secure in his place in our family and even as a child was able to answer rude questions with calm assurance. His adoption was open in the sense that for the first few years his birth mother recieved updates but after that all contact stopped. He has never met her and so far has no desire to meet her although he is grateful to her for the choices she made. He is in university studying medicine and is doing really well. I guess I just wanted to say that yes, sometimes adoptions/adoptees have difficult times and it's not always a good story....but that is true in all types of situations. Even with bio kids. Like you's not a perfect world. EVERYONE can have a story that will break your heart...but there are really really positive stories too. Just to encourage you with that thought.