When you discover that someone is planning to adopt a child, please don’t say…”You can take (or borrow) mine for awhile!”
This statement completely minimizes the adoption process. Firstly, and most importantly, this minimizes what expectant mothers experience as they contemplate their options and consider making an adoption plan for their child. First mothers who relinquish rights do not make half-hearted decisions. This is not an “off the cuff” sort of thing so to casually offer your child to anyone is disrespectful of adoptee’s first families. Secondly, this statement minimizes what the prospective adoptive parents are going through in general and their possible process of walking through infertility. You may have been able to easily reproduce but many others have not, so don’t flaunt your offspring through casual offers. Plus, what would you do or say if someone actually said "yes!" to the offer?
Okay…was that a bit harsh? Possibly, but it needed to be said. This is how I have felt when someone “offers” their kids to me (yes, this has happened more then once). I get that raising kids is tough and frustrating, but the next time you’re willing to lend them out think about what that statement may portray to others.
3 comments:
Amen!
The "borrowing" thing also minimizes the permanency of adoption.
Thanks Heather for your comment and the insightful addition to the topic. I'll definitely remember that for future discussions.
I am guilty of saying this to you. I am sorry.
I believe at the time the anxiety of having a newborn was so great I actually was looking for an out. I would lay in my bed wondering what life I had choosen for myself and cry. That is also part of the reality for new mothers such as myself going through post traumatic stress and perhaps being on the cusp of postpardum depression.
So I completely agree that these comments should never be made "off the cuff" as they are incredibly disrespectful to everyone involved...for me at the time it actually felt very real to say it (I remember the exact day that I did...I wondered when I felt better how you might have taken that...you know me and my memory!)
And thank you by the way for standing by me through that incredibly difficult time even through your pain. I have never, and will never forget it and only hope I can stand by you in the same significant way.
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