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Wednesday, November 19, 2008

conspiracy theory

Today it is 9 weeks since our paperwork arrived in the States. The approval process was to take 6-8 weeks. D called on Monday to get an update and was told that our file was STILL with board member 4 (that makes 3 weeks – what does one do with paperwork for that long?). When D questioned the length of time this was taking he was told not to worry, that really everything is good to go, our file is “sort of” approved, and it’s really just a formality to get the final 2 signatures. We’ve known all along that once they got our paperwork if there was a potential match they would have expedited our approval process, so according to us we have been waiting since September. However, according to the agency our wait only begins once the final 5th signature is on our file. Our agency has a low average wait time from approval to placement, often this happens in a couple of months.

Are you starting to put 2 and 2 together?

We think that the agency is sitting on our file and not formally approving it to keep their average wait time low. For instance, if a baby was placed with us in February, we would consider our wait time 5 months. However, the agency would only consider our wait time from day of approval which if that happens in November, our wait would be 3 months. It’s all about numbers and averages. And this makes me sick. Oh the things I have learned about adoption ethics. There are many things about this agency that are really good but then something like this happens which makes me question and wonder. We really don’t have a hot clue about what goes on at the agency since we’re many miles away. We would really like to call out the agency on their approval process but like so many other times when we’ve questioned policies and procedures we stay silent. We stay silent because we don’t have any control. You feel powerless as a prospective adoptive parent. We must work to reform the system but how do you do that when you’re very invested in it like we are? Of course we won’t agree to a match that feels/is unethical. But what can we do in our current situation when there are subtle agency practices that make us question, and ultimately feel mislead? We are afraid that if we push back our file will become “lost” or stuck at the bottom of the pile. I don’t know if anything like this would really happen but when your future lies in the hands of others you begin to believe it.

I’m feeling stuck. Stuck in the middle of a system that lives, breathes, and takes on a power of its own. I don’t know how to work for reform in this system because I’m contributing to it. Maybe you can only really work for reform after placement. Or maybe I can’t see the ways I can currently advocate for reform because I am so emotionally invested. At some point I need to just trust my instincts, check my motives, and pray that our adoption proceeds in an ethical manner. In the meantime, I will continue to advocate for the child/adoptee and expectant parents/first parents with our agencies and with others.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Okay, see this??? THIS is why I wrote about you!

IF that is what this agency is doing with you, it is sick. I think your desire for adoption reform is great. I think that you're right sometimes that it's hard to push too hard when you're in it. I think you just need to stay strong in making sure that your adoption is done ethically and you're good :)