Seven years ago D and I made the decision to move to the States for him to go to grad school. This was a huge decision. My father had just passed away 6 months earlier and I couldn't imagine leaving my family. Plus, the whole idea of him changing his career so dramatically didn't seem to make much sense. But yet, I knew that it was right for us to go. I often make decisions intuitively. And this decision for both of us was all intuition, there wasn't a ton of logic in it.
After moving we faced challenge after challenge right from the beginning. From not finding an apartment for 2 months to challenges with obtaining driver's licenses and Social Security Numbers to cockroaches, we felt like we came up against walls time and time again. I so clearly remember the day D was at the grocery store and he couldn't find his favorite cereal (cereal is a big deal to D!). It was a day filled with much frustration and to then discover that the US didn't make this particular brand of cereal threw him over the edge. We can laugh about it now but at the time it was quite a big deal! Both D and I wondered if we had made the right decision to move. Did we get it wrong? Was all this frustration a sign? Making the decision to actually move was hard but in the end wasn't the hardest part. The hard part was the process of living in a different country.
I've been feeling the same way about our decision to adopt a child. Dealing with the infertility and looking at our options to have a family wasn't the hard part. I have enough friends that have walked this road ahead of me to have a different perspective. I started researching adoption options fairly quickly after our fertility investigations. But ever since we signed the adoption application form our process has been filled with drama. I do think that most adoptions are riddled with drama and frustration, however ours seems to have gone over the edge with issues. And after the latest set of problems I'm left wondering if we got it all wrong. Are all the barriers a sign?
Our time spent living in the States ended up being one of the most life giving experiences D and I have ever had. We grew in ways unimaginable. We made some unforgettable memories. That time...the good and the bad...shaped who we are today...and we wouldn't change any of it. (Well, maybe the cockroaches!).
My prayer is that our adoption experience in the end will be life giving and that the struggles along the way will only have proved to make us better parents. D and I have proven that we can advocate for ourselves. Perhaps this whole nightmare experience is preparing us for the ways we will need to advocate for our future child.
4 comments:
this journey can be so hard, but as with most pain we learn and grow from it. here's hoping your path will lead to your dreams.
As two people who have been tremendously blessed with your friendship, we are incredibly grateful that God led you to Fresno (cockroaches and all- most of what I know about them is because of you, by the way). We miss you and love you and continue to pray for your peace during this time of waiting.
I hope that this process can also be a very life giving experience, despite the curve balls thrown your way. Praying for peace over you both!
It's easy to say you will be stronger and closer as a couple because of all the trials and difficulties. I can relate as I moved to a foreign country for a while and then my foreign husband moved here. We've been through it all....even to not finding our brand of "comfort food" when we really could have used it. Good luck in the adoption process. It can be VERY frustrating.
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