adoption is different

Paula who blogs at Heart, Mind and Seoul speaks from a fascinating perspective. She is an adoptee, has a biological child, and a child through adoption. Her post One Perspective on Parenting Through the Lens of an Adoptee, AP and Bio Parent is a great reflection of the unique position she can speak from. She says,

I have to admit that I cringe whenever I hear people say that bringing a child into the family through adoption is no different than giving birth. To pretend that my son and daughter came into our family under equal and equitable conditions is not only untruthful, but also does a great disservice to each of them as individuals and to their respective beginnings.

When initially going through our home study, D and I spoke about how adoption is just another way to form a family. However, through additional learning and spending time reading blogs and listening to others touched by adoption, we more clearly understand that adoption is a valid way to form a family but it isn't the same as if we had a child biologically. Our future child's life will not begin with us. There is history that includes heritage, genetics, and roots present in each child that is adopted. Even though we will likely meet our future child soon after birth, the 9 months this child spent in utero with his or her first mother is an important part of who they are. Often those of us who build our families through adoption feel the need to justify and defend our choices, especially when we are constantly questioned and scrutinized about those said choices. But ignoring the differences between adoptive families versus biological families doesn't help our case, nor does it benefit the children.

I'm so thankful that D and I are on the same page with regards to the many different issues that come up in adoption. We are both open to learning about this process and about ourselves in the meantime. We can also look back and laugh a bit at ourselves when we began the adoption journey. I chuckle thinking about some of the naive things we have thought and said -- especially during that first home study. But thank goodness for constant growth and learning! We certainly don't have this all figured out yet, we're a work in progress, but I sometimes marvel at how far we've come. I wonder how many more insights we'll be granted along the way...