When I was going through some low moments related to our infertility and dramatic adoption process I struggled with seeing families every where I went. This was a hard way to live since kids and moms are everywhere! Every time while in the grocery store I wanted to tip over all the car seats as a way to express my frustration! Of course I did not act on this thought...we likely wouldn't have been approved to adopt then!
I was struck the other day that I am now a part of the same club that I struggled with for all those years. Now when I'm in the grocery store with baby T are there any women present who would like to tip over my car seat? Likely there are.
I hurt knowing that I am now a part of what causes hurt for other women.
I'm not sure where to go with this except to continually be aware that there are many more "me's" still out there who long to have a family and for whatever reason are unable. To be sensitive to how much "family talk" I do when in groups. And to put myself out there and share my story so those who didn't need to give family planning a second thought become aware of and more sensitive to the rest of us.
5 comments:
I'm not at the "carseat tipping" stage yet, but I sure do notice EVERY baby in EVERY store, and gaze at them (I do try to be discreet, but I don't think I'm always successful), and daydream longingly of the day that I will have a baby riding around in my cart. If we have to wait more than another year, I think I will definitely hit the next stage. But I hope it doesn't come to that.
Alysia
Your perspective is so selfless - when Sara came home I was in such a trance and in my own lala land - I actually never really thought of the ones left behind and still struggling. Your thoughts are so caring...you can now share your story, and try to inspire and comfort others to bring them hope.
Laura
Your blog's title is "eyes wide open" and while you probably meant for it to refer to yourself, I use that for me, too. I have learned so much from you- your honest journaling, your questions, your thought-process... you continually open my eyes to new insights! Reading your blog has helped me reflect and ponder on "motherhood" and you've opened my eyes to a lot of things that I never would have thought of before. Thank you, my friend!
I really appreciate your honesty and these types of reminders. (Especially for a mother like me) I am able to look a the world from another view, thanks for that!
You know, when I feel the way you describe I remind myself that it's my problem - not those mothers whose presence seems hurtful to me. It's great that you are empathetic, but don't let it get you down. You've been down the road and gotten through it - their road is their own and they'll manage or not. But you don't have to own it. ♥
thanks for your comment over on A+A. I wish we could get a latte and chat!
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