my sad dad day

Today is the anniversary of my father's death. I can't believe it has been 8 years since I heard him laugh, listened to his funny excited noises while watching sports, watched him maneuver a toothpick like some sort of pro, or smelled his aftershave. I miss him.

I would have loved to have had the opportunity to introduce my dad to baby T. I wonder what he would have thought. Would he have had questions about adoption or about our openness to race? What would he have done when we arrived home with T? I would have loved to see my dad as a grandpa. He would have been excellent.

The days leading up to today have not been as difficult as usual. I am now somewhat distracted! I didn't even loathe Christmas shopping like usual. Having T in our lives does bring new perspective to me at this time of year. Slowly my experience of the holiday season is changing from grief filled to one seen through the eyes of a child. For this I am thankful.

I will never forget my dad and how my life changed significantly on this day years ago, but the grief continues to be reshaped as time marches on. And someday I will introduce T to my father, I will tell him stories of growing up with a great role model and a caring, loving dad. My prayer is that T grows up to be the kind of man my dad was.