moms groups

I've been attending a parenting/moms group in my community area. This has been an interesting experience for many reasons.

A part of my job is to facilitate healthy baby groups in a different area of the city from where I live. When I entered the room of the parenting group in my area as a mom for the first time, I didn't feel like a mom, my role remained that of professional. I've been working in child and maternal health for a long time so I can quite easily slide into this role. I have been a mom for only 5 months and it still doesn't come "naturally" to me to view myself in this way.

I'm not sure if attending these moms groups is of benefit or detriment to my confidence in motherhood. The first time I went I was so nervous to take T out of the car seat. Not because I am embarrassed about him but because It is quite obvious that I did not birth this child. I was not pregnant, I did not labor and deliver, and I experienced the newborn post-partum period in a very different way. Moms groups just seem to ooze pregnancy and delivery, there is a specific aura to them that I can't quite explain. No one has outwardly made me feel awkward or unwelcome. But yet I just don't feel like I completely belong.

The second time I attended this group the topic was supposed to be on "stroller fitness" which I thought would be interesting and perhaps there would be a fun demo. After sitting down and getting baby T situated on the mat I looked at the topic board and saw "pre and post-natal fitness"....eek...I would not have attended this group had I known! At one point the speaker had everyone lie down on the mats so she could check for abdominal separation (diastasis recti) which can happen during pregnancy and impact activity post-natally. I quickly busied myself with T so that it wasn't awkward that I didn't participate.

I do have commonalities with all these moms considering we are all parenting. But for some reason that seems to evaporate for me as soon as I enter the door. Instead I anticipate the differences.

I just find it so interesting that I feel completely comfortable in my role as professional at parenting groups and I am easily able to interact and get to know the moms. Now that I have become one of "them" I am much more unsure of myself and my role - I wonder if I would feel different with a bio kid...maybe or maybe not.

Perhaps the moms group thing isn't my cup of tea. I'm not so nervous and unsure of myself when in public in general. Moms can be extremely cliquey. This is not who I want to be. I love to talk about T and how he has brought new meaning to my life but I am much more than that and do prefer to have conversations on differing topics as well. I initially thought a local area parenting group would be a good thing because the group is more structured with a speaker and this would decrease potential awkwardness at not knowing anyone. But maybe attending an unstructured group of women who I know and who know how baby T entered our family is better for me at the moment. I may feel more free to speak about our family and how some of my questions and concerns are different from moms raising bio children.

One more recent example of cliquey moms. To get some exercise I recently started mall walking in the wee hours right after T gets up and before his first nap in the morning. I take the BOB stroller (which we absolutely LOVE!) and cruise around with my munchkin. I'm walking with mostly older folks but one morning I noticed a congregation of women and strollers. This, I assume, was a stroller walking group complete with a leader. They walked only parts of the mall loop and stopped at carpeted sections in front of the department stores to do stretches and lunges. Not once when passing these stroller toting moms did one look my way and smile or offer a nod of recognition that I too was stroller pushing. And there was really no way for them to see that baby T was brown skinned because no one even paused enough to glance over, so this could not have been the reason. Just another cliquey group of women!

I've decided that I will try attending the parenting group a few more times and see how it goes. I'm curious to see if and when someone asks me a question about my family. I'm positive everyone is thinking it. I don't need to explain our family but sometimes it is easier once it's out there.