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Does money have an impact on your open adoption? If so, how? (Could be issues pre- or post-placement, expectations, assumptions, costs of visit activities, travel, gifts--you name it.)
Yes. Money impacts adoption. Many different parts of adoption. In this post I'm only speaking from the adoptive parent perspective. Today, I won't even begin to try to wrap my brain around how more often than not, babies are placed for adoption due to financial insecurity in the first family. This sad truth is very real to me.
Money impacts all of life so it makes perfect sense that adoption is included in this. Money has a power in and of itself. It lives and breaths. I don't mean this in a literal sense. But we (as in our society) have placed a great deal of importance and power on coins and paper. Money can take over and rule us -- this is quite apparent in the current North American society.
When we started our adoption journey we knew money would play a role. But we never knew exactly how much.
I can't even adequately express how it feels to turn down a potential adoption situation because of the bottom line. (Thankfully this only happened a couple of times). With our American agency every adoption came with a different price depending on a variety of things. My heart would sink when the dollar amount was over the top too much. It appears that to build a family through adoption requires wealth on the part of the adoptive family. We know people who would pursue adoption but just can't swing it financially. That is sad. Money does not in any way directly lead to happy families.
Our agency wasn't completely forthright with us about the entire cost of an adoption through them. (They used 2006 numbers in their paperwork). We had no idea it would get so expensive. But once you're in the process, you're in it for good. At least we were. We had to readjust our expectations and in the end just live with the fact that this adoption would require more money than we anticipated.
And how can you put a price tag on building a family?
Part of the reason we chose to adopt a child through the States is because of the open adoption potential. To travel from Canada to the US isn't unreasonable. We imagined family trips to visit our child's first family in our future. Considering our adoption has moved to a semi-open status, trips to the US are not imminent. But really we wouldn't be able to visit anyway because of...you guessed it...money. We are tapped out and won't be able to vacation for quite some time.
What I can do is send Christmas and birthday presents, cards and pictures. (And hope she gets them). But money permeates this part of the adoption experience as well, as I wonder how much is appropriate to spend on gifts.
So, yes, money impacts adoption greatly. From decisions about agencies all the way to birthday presents.
2 comments:
This was a really informative post. Thanks for sharring. Our family has been thinking about adoption and I've been feeling drawn to the States. I am curios to know more about what it was like to be Canadian adopting from the States. I didn't even know it was possible until recently.You said that your agency was not forthright about costs....if you don't mind me asking, which agency did you use? You also mentioned that various adoption options costed different prices for different reasons...why is that and what plays into these prices? What is the range like? If you don't feel comfortable answering these questions that's totally fine but I'd love to hear from you. If you would like to answer more privately you can also e-mail me at carer214@hotmail.com
We adopted in the state in which we live (twice). The cost of our adoptions were vastly different. One first family was behind in rent, bills and had no transportation to and from DR appt's. Our other first mom lived at home, was under parent's insurance and needed very little in terms of financial support while deciding to place.
We went through Dexter and Moffet- and had the best experiences overall we ever thought imaginable.
http://www.oregonadopt.com/default.aspx
Sorry about hijacking this post- but, working with people you can trust is so important, I thought I better share.
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