To relax.
To adopt.
To be happy.
To wait for the right timing.
Then...and only then...
Would you become pregnant.
And have one of your OWN.
Do people really believe this stuff? From the related comments I get, I would think so.
I've become one of the few. One of the ~ 3% of women who are infertile, who then form a family through adoption, and then get pregnant. A statistic.
Everyone has a similar story. Everyone apparently knows someone who has adopted and then become pregnant. At least that is what it feels like to me because I hear all those stories.
Here's the newsflash -- what you don't hear are all the stories of women who adopt a child and do not become pregnant. There are many of them.
What people don't realize, is that by telling me that all I needed to do to get pregnant was to adopt a child, they have completely invalidated my experience with infertility and the adoption journey...as well as the beautiful child in my life. It is the pregnancy that is celebrated above all else. The "normal" and "regular" way to have a family. It's almost like people are inferring why did I bother forming a family through adoption if I was going to get pregnant years later anyway? I guess my 8 year ago self didn't have that sort of insight.
It is also difficult for people to understand that after walking the road of infertility and adoption, not everyone needs that pregnancy experience to feel complete. I had resolved that desire years and years ago.
And nothing hurts more then people telling me that now I'll have one of my own.
T is my own. Plain and simple.
3 comments:
Love this. Amen. Thanx for the reminder to not have you be one more of those, "well, my cousin's friend's aunt tried for years and guess what?" stats. You get to be you, and not be unfairly held up to another hurting woman as what's possible (and statistically highly improbable). T is absolutely yours, no more or less than the little one waiting to be born.
Well said. I can't even count the number of people who have told me that now that I've adopted I will get pregnant. I am quick to explain, (though it's none of their business) that I am on birth control, actively trying to prevent this. They seem shocked and appalled when I say that. And there is NOTHING I hate worse in that conversation than when they say, "Why would you not want to have one of your own?" I say, "Levi is my own, totally and completely." They just don't know how to respond. They just don't get it. It's so nice to have people like you out there, who get it.
Oh. My. G*d. Thank you for writing this!! There is nothing in the world that makes me crazier than this!! I have my own twist on this story on my blog (ok, fine, it's the inside-out, backwards, and diagonal version, but still...)
http://scatteredsunbeams.blogspot.com/p/backstory.html
Post a Comment