it's about semantics

I have become increasingly aware that the words we choose to talk about and describe the adoption process are quite important. This is also a hotly debated topic in the adoption world as I've come across a few blogs that are very passionate about the words they choose to use or not use.

Our American agency required us to create a profile which included a "dear birthmother" letter and pictures. This profile is shown to women who then choose a prospective adoptive family for their child. D and I were uncomfortable with labelling a woman as a birthmother before she has her child. Through some extra reading we became aware that the use of the term "birthmother" to describe a woman before she has given birth and relinquished rights is incorrect and disrespectful. Prior to signing relinquishment papers this woman is an "expectant woman" just like every other woman who is pregnant, and is then a mother immediately after that baby is born. The term birthmother can only describe the experience after paperwork has been signed. D and I took this to heart and when we wrote our letter started it with "dear expectant parents." We continue to use this word when speaking about the adoption process.

Something I've been thinking about recently is how I talk about this future child that will join our family. In the past I've referred to this child as "our child" but now I'm not so sure about that one. This child will not be ours until paperwork is signed and until then will only have one family. Once papers are signed the child will have two families and he/she will become ours as well. Some may think that this is such a minor thing and what's the big deal! But I think how we use our words is a really big deal. I certainly don't have it all figured out and know I've used words poorly in the past, but as I'm trying to approach this adoption with eyes wide open, it's important to me to think about these things. There are so many prevailing myths (many that are very hurtful) in society surrounding the adoption process and the words we use can help to perpetuate them. I don't want to be a part of that.