I feel like I’m at an impasse with people asking questions about our adoption process. Lately I have felt inundated with the “have you heard anything?” question. So much so that I needed to make a quick exit last weekend from church because if I was asked one more time I would have burst into tears.
People mean well. I know they do. But we’re not going to share information with the larger public unless we actually have something concrete to share. And by concrete I mean a match with an expectant mom who has chosen us to parent her child. I can’t begin to share any potential matches where we know our file is being shown along with a multitude of others. Worse for me then the “have you heard anything?” question would be the pat responses that occur after some disappointment…”you’ll be okay” “there will be another baby” “just put your trust in God and everything will be fine.” I shudder just thinking about being on the receiving end of those platitudes. I heard them all after my father passed away and none were helpful. All I needed was a warm hug and an “I’m sorry.” I understand that it’s hard to know what to say to people who are grieving which is why I don’t want to intentionally put myself in that situation by letting others know if we are considered by an expectant mom since she certainly doesn't have to choose us. Not everyone needs to know that.
However, to have people stop asking questions isn’t good either. D and I are about to make one of the biggest decisions in our lives and to have people ignore this fact doesn’t sit well with me. It makes me feel that adoption is a second class way of forming a family and not worth talking about.
But there isn’t much to share at this point. All the paperwork is done. Everything has been approved. We are just waiting.
Maybe a better question is “how are you doing in the wait?” This way our process is acknowledged and we are asked about how we are coping/managing/etc versus just about getting news. We could be waiting for quite some time yet so there may not be much “news” to share. On the other hand, if we are waiting for a while there will be much to share about our emotions and ways of working through this time in our lives
2 comments:
Hey Lavonne- Praying for peace as you wait. Waiting for something we want is hard at the best of times, but when you are waiting to welcome your child...it is even harder. I think of you guys often...and pray for you too. Thanks for the update! Merry Christmas and my you feel the love, joy and hope of Christ this season.
I can do what you ask. I will.
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