clip from adopted the movie

Here is an interesting clip from the Adopted movie called "Its Not Fair".



Initially I thought that the mom’s comments to her daughter were okay. However after reading the comments posted (of which a few I know are from an adoptee) to this clip I have realized otherwise. The comments indicate that by sharing her grief of the adoption experience, this mom shifted the focus of that specific conversation from her daughter’s feelings/emotions to her own. A better response for this mom would have been for her to validate her daughter’s feelings and allow her the space to be angry, sad, frustrated….and every other emotion she is feeling. She could have just said, “I’m so sorry that you’re hurting”, held her and cried with her. She could have created space for her to talk about her emotions and the complex issues she has to deal with by being a transracial adoptee.

Sometimes I can take what people say at face value and not think critically about the topic or comments. This happens to me all the time and I think it mostly stems from feelings of inadequacy and non-smartness. I often place little validation on my own thoughts about something when speaking with someone who has a very strong opinion like the woman on this video clip. This mom is experiencing adoptive parenting and the clip made it into the movie, so then I think of course the way she responded to her child is appropriate. Wrong. I’ve got to sharpen my critical thinking skills!

There are some things that I feel really confident in related to this adoption such as ethics, importance of all triad members, awareness of open adoption principles, the fact that this child will feel abandonment no matter what I say, issues related to transracial adoptions, etc. But because I’m not yet parenting through adoption I don’t have the answers at my finger tips on how to respond to a 10 year old child with questions. And I think this is okay. I don’t have to have all the answers yet, I’ve got some time to learn. What is of utmost importance is that I’m open to learning from all sides of the triad (thank goodness for blogs!) and know that this will be a life long journey for D and me. I love what the young woman says in the trailer for the Adopted movie…”They adopted me…it’s not my journey…it’s OUR journey.”