is it a competition?

Well, we’ve got one potential adoption situation and its subsequent disappointment** under our belt. (Believe me, I’m not looking for notches on my belt…hope we don’t have to go through this multiple times). When we found out our profile would be among a few shown to this particular expectant mom we were both struck with feelings of competitiveness. How would our profile (letter and pictures) stack up to the others? Did they pick better pictures, write a better letter? I found myself pouring over our profile wondering if it was good enough. How would she see us? Did we share enough information or too much? Maybe we should have left out that goofy picture of us at Disney!

I know intellectually that this is not a competition. I’ve been told that when expectant moms chose a family to raise their child it’s generally because of an overall feeling of connectedness to that family, not necessarily because one has a bigger house than the other. How can it be a competition when so many lives and deep feelings are involved? I even found myself praying for the other prospective adoptive parents in our situation. After all was said and done (even had she placed) I knew there would be a few couples left disappointed and I would imagine that their emotions were just as raw as mine. Even so, I can’t shake this silly feeling of being compared and in competition with other potential parents.

It’s a strange competition type feeling. We were up against people who were in exactly the same position as us. The one thing we all had in common was our desire to be parents through adoption. This commonality tends to bring people together since it’s not everyday you meet someone who has or is in the process of adopting – an instant bond is generally created. However, in this situation, our common desire put us in separate corners. It’s not a great feeling, this one of competitiveness. I want to root for the other side, knowing what a life changing situation we are all in. But yet, I need to root for us. For D and me. It’s not about them, but about us. It’s not a competition. It’s a journey. Our story and our journey.

**Although D and I feel disappointment at not becoming parents, we very much respect this mom's decision to parent.