another month passes by

The beginning of every new month is really hard for me. It means that yet another month has passed by and no change in my life. Every month I wonder, is this the month?

I feel like a fool. We thought our file would reach the American agency much sooner than it did - there were unexpected delays and procedures that we weren't privy to at the beginning of the process. Had we known how long this waiting time would have been we wouldn't have shared our plans to adopt with our larger circle when we did. And because we knew that our approval process in the States could have been expedited if there was a potential match I also had to inform my employer of my plans to leave work sooner rather than latter. They are really the last people in my circle that I wanted to share our future plans with but it was necessary. My employer has been supportive and they've got everything ready to go for when I take parental leave. But I feel so foolish...I gave notice of my upcoming need for a leave in September and it's now March. I also feel foolish for falling for the agency's expected time lines. They all told us that our wait wouldn't be that long, that generally when you're open to race things move quite quickly. I guess we were really too optimistic. I don't know why the length of waiting should surprise me really, not a lot has ever come easily for me so why should this be any different. But I had hoped.

Will March be THE month? Possibly. But I'm preparing myself that it might not be and that this month too will pass by.