decision 2008

One year ago today D and I received a phone call that propelled us into action. We had been researching adoption and thinking and praying about our options for many months. Early on in our research of agencies and the process we heard about the Hague Convention* and its potential to halt all out-going adoptions from the US. But no one seemed to have any solid information about how the Hague was going to work in the States. Everyone was pretty vague. And no one knew exactly when the Hague was going to be ratified in the US. So D and I continued on in our research and sort of forgot about the Hague. Then on that fateful day one year ago I received a phone call from a friend who was in the know. She told us that the Hague Convention was for sure being ratified on April 1, 2008 in the States and that it really didn’t look good for Canadians to adopt US children. However, there were rumors floating around that if one signed with an agency prior to April 1 there was a possibility of being grandfathered into the new system. But this was no guarantee. And some people felt that to be grandfathered in you would have already needed to have a home study completed before April.

What were we to do?

Our other options for adoption weren’t great. Either wait 2 plus years for an older baby through International adoption or 8-10 years for a domestic adoption. The American option (for many reasons) felt best for us and was our first choice. The Hague certainly threw a potential large wrench in our plans. That phone call threw us into action. We researched more, made phone calls across Canada as well as into the States, and prayed…a lot! Initially our plans were to start the adoption process a few months later but here we were with this dilemma.

Three days before the phone call about the Hague, D and I had a conversation about adoption and our options. We talked about how we were both feeling and where we were in our thought process. We basically determined that we were both feeling good about adoption and pursuing it. So what was keeping us from making the phone call? We weren’t really sure. Likely because it was such a huge step and one that we both knew once we made it there was no turning back. It takes D and I a long time to make large decisions like this. We talk, and think, and research, and pray. But once we’ve made a decision then generally it’s been made for good. We don’t do much half heartedly, we’re either in or out. So to make this decision was a pretty big deal.

For 9 days we lived with an intense amount of stress. Do we try the American route? Go domestic? International? Nothing seemed certain any more. I very clearly remember those 9 days…but would actually love to forget them! Although they are a part of our story. Previous to March I could visualize myself on a fence with adoption sitting on one side of the fence. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get off the fence onto the side with adoption. I couldn’t understand why because I was quite okay with starting a family in this way. I still don’t know why I stayed on the fence for so long but I clearly remember during that 9 day period last year, as we were making a decision that would change our lives forever, I got off the fence and quite calmly stood on the adoption side. For some reason we needed to experience that stress and uncertainly to take a leap of faith and make a decision.

So on March 19, 2008 we signed an initial application with our local agency as well as an American agency. What freedom we felt that day! Decision made. Everything with the Hague was still very much up in the air and there would be more stress to come regarding this. But we had done what we could to start the process. My friend has said that she wished she had never called us that day one year ago to cause us so much anxiety. But I thanked her for doing it, because without that call who knows where we would be now with regards to family planning. I know one thing, without that call we would not have applied with any agency prior to April to be potentially grandfathered into the new Hague system. But we did and here we are…a pre-Hague adoption.

Hard to believe that was a year ago. In some ways it feels like forever and in others just like yesterday.

*The Hague Convention is in and of itself a very good thing. Canada has been a Hague country for quite some time. The premise of the Treaty is to minimize unethical procedures in inter-country adoption and help to streamline the process. However, the Hague can be interpreted in a multitude of ways by each country.