i was wrong

I was wrong about the season...

On June 17th we finally got "THE CALL" that changed our lives forever!

Tomorrow morning we leave for the States. More details to come...

adoption is different

Paula who blogs at Heart, Mind and Seoul speaks from a fascinating perspective. She is an adoptee, has a biological child, and a child through adoption. Her post One Perspective on Parenting Through the Lens of an Adoptee, AP and Bio Parent is a great reflection of the unique position she can speak from. She says,

I have to admit that I cringe whenever I hear people say that bringing a child into the family through adoption is no different than giving birth. To pretend that my son and daughter came into our family under equal and equitable conditions is not only untruthful, but also does a great disservice to each of them as individuals and to their respective beginnings.

When initially going through our home study, D and I spoke about how adoption is just another way to form a family. However, through additional learning and spending time reading blogs and listening to others touched by adoption, we more clearly understand that adoption is a valid way to form a family but it isn't the same as if we had a child biologically. Our future child's life will not begin with us. There is history that includes heritage, genetics, and roots present in each child that is adopted. Even though we will likely meet our future child soon after birth, the 9 months this child spent in utero with his or her first mother is an important part of who they are. Often those of us who build our families through adoption feel the need to justify and defend our choices, especially when we are constantly questioned and scrutinized about those said choices. But ignoring the differences between adoptive families versus biological families doesn't help our case, nor does it benefit the children.

I'm so thankful that D and I are on the same page with regards to the many different issues that come up in adoption. We are both open to learning about this process and about ourselves in the meantime. We can also look back and laugh a bit at ourselves when we began the adoption journey. I chuckle thinking about some of the naive things we have thought and said -- especially during that first home study. But thank goodness for constant growth and learning! We certainly don't have this all figured out yet, we're a work in progress, but I sometimes marvel at how far we've come. I wonder how many more insights we'll be granted along the way...

fall 2009?

The other day I had a thought (I know that's dangerous for me, but it happened!). Last fall I was so convinced that we were going to become parents. I don't know what it was exactly, but just a feeling that fall was the right time of year for this to happen. I could feel it in the air and as the leaves changed color.

Then fall passed...then winter...and now spring.

Still no baby.

Mind you, our file only "officially" became active towards the end of November, but it arrived at the American agency in the middle of September and we know that they start showing potential adoptive parent profiles immediately after receiving them if there is a potential match.

That same day I also realized that it is only 3 months until fall.

Three short months until September. I know that summer hasn't even started for us out here but the reality is that in 3 short months the leaves will start to turn color again and fall will be upon us (don't shoot me for this reminder!).

Maybe I was right about the season...but just got the year wrong.

awkward conversation

This week I started my new job. Within the first half an hour, of the first day, I was meeting with my supervisor and explaining our adoption plans. It was an awkward conversation to have.

My immediate supervisor was not a part of the interview. I was interviewed by two other individuals who I also report too. At the end of the interview I disclosed our adoption plans -- one of the two already knew, so I thought it was important to just lay it all on the table and be transparent about my situation. When I was offered the job, I again mentioned that we were in the process of adopting a child and was told that this fact couldn't be factored into their decision on who to hire. Prior to applying for the job I did some research about the option of taking a parental leave shortly after being hired. I thought I was in a position to be able to negotiate taking a leave of absence.

After accepting the position I did some additional research. It turns out that the information I was given was incorrect. Labor laws state that one must be in continuous employment with the same employer for at least 7 months to take parental leave and be guaranteed a job at the end. Well that doesn't sit well with me since I sincerely hope that I won't be waiting another 7 months before becoming a mom and I really don't want to have to give up this permanent position.

Apparently I can still try to negotiate being granted parental leave earlier than the 7 months, but this means you need to be working in an environment where the human resources department has half a heart. I do not work in such a place. In fact, the HR department of my employer is known to be unlike any other.....and not in a good way.

By having that awkward conversation on my first day of work, my hope was to get my supervisor on my side. He was very supportive of the adoption. He acknowledged the difficulties many have with HR. And he did say that he would look into it and see what he could do for me. I'm really doubtful that things will work out in my favor...but I guess you never know.

But this whole situation plays with my mind. I've found myself hoping that we don't hear from our agency for awhile so that I can clock in more time at this job. But thinking that way doesn't sit well with the part of me that really wants a child. I know that we have options with this parental leave. D could take the first part of it and then I take the later part, after putting in the 7 months. That certainly isn't ideal for many reasons. I feel like I have given up so much already in our journey to have a family and this is just one more kick in the ass. It sure sucks to continually face more unknowns.

Just one more mountain to climb in the ongoing expedition that has become my life.