Sunday, November 15, 2009

an outsider within

I'm borrowing the title and concept of the book Outsiders Within for this blog post because it is just so fitting and I couldn't resist. If you are touched by international and transracial adoption this is a must read.

During a recent get together with other women who have children I was struck by the feeling of being a part of the group, but yet not...

An outsider within.

I can relate to many of the topics discussed about infant care but when the "let me tell you about my labor experience" comes up I am unable to participate. Or when moms talk about how junior looks just like so and so. I can talk about how my son looks like his birth mom and how I labored in my own way to have a child but this isn't really what people want to hear about at that particular time. I don't want to stop their conversation by adding in my own reality because it feels sort of awkward.

For so long I worked to intentionally avoid conversations related to pregnancy and delivery. Now I find myself a part of this mom club where inevitably the a fore mentioned topics are discussed. Although I'm sure no one thinks twice about the fact that I became a mother through adoption, I feel like an outsider, like I don't completely belong to the club.

But yet I do belong.

Even though I don't feel it at the moment, the outsider within view will likely allow me to gain unique insights that may not be available to those who have entered into parenthood the "regular" way. My experience of parenting will be different. Not completely different in every way but perhaps the uniqueness of my family will enrich my life in ways currently unknown.

In the meantime, I'm still learning how to navigate the world of moms.


Kim said...

And a lovely and caring and thoughtful mom you are! T is so blessed, in so many ways (as are you by him and his first/birth mom)!

luna said...

I know just what you mean. I'm having the same issues and debating whether to even try a new moms group for that reason.